For three days now my status message on Facebook has remained the same, because I honestly can’t think of anything better than: Autumn Dawn Leader wishes we could all see ourselves through the eyes of those who love us.  If this were possible, how much better off we’d be! Confidence would skyrocket. Insecurities would plummet.  We might all come close to reaching our full individual potentials if, instead of seeing ourselves through our own (very limited) self-prejudice – and, often, the completely irrelevant misconceptions and judgements of folk who simply do not care about us at best and who hate us at worst– we believed in ourselves the way those who (truly) love us do.

 I suffer from low self-esteem. Jamie says it’s more than that (as if that wasn’t bad enough). He says I suffer from self-loathing. Well, whatever you want to call it, there is no doubt that my hang-ups would diminish considerably if only I could see myself the way he sees me.

I want to believe Jamie’s words (I know he means them), “You’re beautiful…sexy…desirable”, over what I see when I look in the mirror.  And, I want to think that I am as capable and competent as he and a few others think I am, instead of magnifying and fixating on my perceived ineptitude and inadequacies.

 And, as for those other people (the selfish, the bullies, the bigots and the small-minded) I refer to in my first paragraph, I don’t even want to give what they have to think and say about me a second thought, or a first thought for that matter!  But, alas, I do. I do.

 And so, my status remains, because, I wish! All I can do is wish – wish that I could see what I cannot see and believe the impossible about myself that isn’t impossible through the eyes of love (where all things are possible). 

 And, even when I finally get around to changing it on Facebook (today or tomorrow or whenever), it is still going to be my status.