“I am longing to be with you, and by the sea, where we can talk together freely and build our castles in the air.”
“A man must dream, or a man must die,
And only the blue of the sky
Is as fair as the thing that only seems
And feeds the soul of the man who dreams.”
I don’t know what people do who have no imagination and, therefore, have no resort to run to when reality gets all a bit too much.
Today the sun is shining outside my window, but its light and warmth has not been able to break through to the dark, cold place inside me. I’m fighting feelings of envy from a certain quarter, and not fighting them very well. It’s so easy for me to get down on myself and feel devalued and unimportant…and very alone.
I’m not looking for sympathy here. And, I know that I am loved and appreciated (thank you, again, those of you who know who you are)…I’m not losing sight of that, really. I promised I would not. Today I am simply struggling with those demons that plague me; they are not easily banished. I long to sleep. To dream. To escape. To build castles in the air, and close myself inside one of them, pull up the drawbridge, and never emerge again.
On a happy note…la la la (B Flat, I think), I figured out how to justify text on here. YAY for the little favours.
6 Comments
You and I, Autumn. Same boat.
*sigh* *hugs* It sucketh.
I really try and fight envy. It is the worst feeling in the world. And it is one of those that reveals so much… for me my weak point (where envy sneaks in) is financial success. I am so easily tempted into envying the wealthy… especially if they are people who I know personally and measure myself against (i.e. they are the same age, or we have sthg in common). Dom is totally free from that… I’m kind of envious of Dom’s ability to be free of envy, lol.
Yeah. Dom’s freedom to just “be” is awesome. If only we could all have a bit of that ability he has to both live in the moment, fully, and to be free of those things – like envy – that cause us such vexation.
I used to envy those with money… until I realized something. Those with money and gadgets and awesome toys? They still had problems. In fact, sometimes they had EVEN more problems than those of us who have to budget carefully just to get by day to day BECAUSE of the money.
Long story short? Money doesn’t make you happy. Sure, it makes your life a bit easier… But happiness comes from liking what you have.
*gets off soapbox* :p
I agree, Jess. My envy wasn’t inspired by a money issue this time. Even though Jamie and I don’t have a lot of money and sometimes struggle financially, I rarely have a problem with money-envy (although I do sometimes envy people who get to travel and go on nice holidays…I see them on FB all the time advertising how they are going here and there like they have money to burn – but, really, it’s just a little niggle, not a huge one). I was envious of attention. Very, very silly and shallow, I know.
And, the thing is, LOL, this person I was envious of…they actually really annoy me and I really wouldn’t want to be like them in any way, so I shouldn’t be envious when they get attention.
Oh, we can be so silly sometimes.
Thank you, Ladies, for posting.